2009

A lot has happened since the last post in August. We spent the holidays just enjoying our church family and visiting with friends around Live Oak. After Thanksgiving, Bob's sister Darlene went back north for good to her home in Indiana and his other sister Diane took over staying with his mother, Amanda. She was by this time on her oxygen 24/7 and still getting around her home fairly well. Diane would take her to her hair appointments and doctor appointments with the portable oxygen traveling with them. Amanda also suffered horribly with her rhuematoid arthritis in her hands and feet. She couldn't take anything much for the pain and really had to just keep on going regardless of the aches and discomfort. Her breathing treatments were helping some to clear out her lungs but eventually it just became too much for her.

Diane and her grandsons were staying with Amanda during the last two weeks of December into the new year. On Friday, Jan. 2, Diane called to say the Bob's mom was not doing well and that we should come to Sarasota as soon as we could get there. That call was at 4:30 p.m. and Bob had just got off work; I get off at 5. We threw things in the car with Cinnamon in tow and headed south to Sarasota. We stopped at Keith & Yolanda's on the way to drop Cinnamon off at the Alfie Hotel and continued on. When we got to Amanda's house about 10:30 p.m., it was really clear that she was failing pretty fast. Her breathing was very shallow and fast and her eyes were not focusing well. She was still responsive but very fidgety while sitting/sleeping in her recliner lift chair in the main living area. Since the house was already full of people staying there (Diane, Toni Lee & James & the two boys, mom, and now us) we decided the best place for us to go would be to a hotel just up the road from TriPar where mom lives. Bob called his brother, Bill and told him that he should get here as soon as he can - Bill was able to get a flight out and would then arrive on Saturday by 11 a.m.

The next morning, we went to the house to check on things and it seemed that mom had improved a little bit. She was able to drink a little of her coffee and eat a bit of bagel and was more responsive when we talked to her. We left to get Bill at the airport and when we got back to mom's she was asleep in her chair again. Bill was able to see right away that she was not good and that something needed to be done. Diane didn't want to call 911 or take her to the hospital - Mom didn't want to leave her house - she wanted to be at home. She did agree to start calling the doctors and the hospice people to see if someone would come to the house to evaluate her condition and to see what to do next. Everyone had been telling Diane that hospice needs to be called in but Diane didn't want to do that - mom wanted to stay at home. Finally, hospice agreed to have someone come out to the house Saturday afternoon to just see what they could do - that was a big answer to prayer at this point because mom was not getting any rest or comfort with all the chaos going on around her (people, kids, TV blaring, bird and activity right there in her main living space where she was trying to sleep/rest). Once the hospice nurse got there, she immediately saw that Amanda was in a lot of distress and needed help - at first stating that she could get medication to her from a pharmacy and that we could administer it every two hours to give her some relief - trying to go along with Diane and keeping Amanda in the house.

When Diane went outisde to take a smoke break, Bob, Bill and I all started talking with the hospice nurse to just see what this was going to be like. I made directed questions about the lack of rest and privacy happening and how agitated that Amanda was becoming and how she really couldnt' get any comfort or relief with what was already in the house. Could we get a hospital bed for her - not until Monday or Tuesday; could we really give her the care that she really needed to get her rest - not really but .... and then Bob and Bill agreed that mom should go to hospice and get some relief temporarily. The hospice nurse jomped on that - she knew that mom really could not stay in her home - mom was able to sign for the care and all the papers that went with that. The hospice nurse called for transport and within 2 hours, mom was transported to Tidewell Hospice Care Center. Diane agreed that it would be a temporary situation just long enough to get mom some comfort and relief for her breathing to stabilize and then we could bring her back home. Everyone else knew that probably would not happen but we all went along with what Diane was saying just to get mom out of the situation at home and into a more comfortable environment.

Tidewell Hospice in Sarasota was like going to a 5 star hotel - the room was absolutely gorgeous. Huge room and bathroom, couches, chairs, a screened lanai outside the room with french doors for access; the bed was a hospital bed that looked like a regular bed and the people were just so very accommodating for the enire family. Once they got Amanda into the room and the bed, they began giving her some morphine drops under her tongue to relieve the pain of her breathing. It helped some but not really enough. The hospice doctor was there within the hour and he looked her over from head to tow and then took Bob, Bill and Diane out to the other common room area - they also got Darlene on the phone so that all four kids were able to talk about what was happening. The doctor told them that in this hospice there is no magic equipment stashed around the corner to prolong anything and that they have limited medications that they are permitted to give to ease and comfort the transition from life to death. They were given a booklet to read that explained exactly the process for the end of life and what to expect and just what stages your body goes through - Amanda had been going through almost all of those stages by that time and once they all read about them, it was very clear that she would not be coming home from this location. A very hard reality but also one that was a lot more acceptable than watching her struggle and fidget and be in so much distress at home in her chair. Even Diane finally agreed that this is really the best place for her to be and soon lots of the relatives and friends that lived in Sarasota started to come out. By 10-11 p.m. Satuday evening, the doctor was able to get a IV put into mom's arm for some stronger morphine and medications to help her with the breathing and pain. Diane and Bill then stayed with her through the night and we went back to our hotel.

Sunday, Jan 4, we were back to the room by 10 a.m. and mom was asleep and not responsive to anything going on around her. Darlene was due to arrive that evening by 5:45 p.m. and the room started filling up with relatives (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.). The hospice nurses would come in and keep checking and you would really not even notice that they were even there - it was just so different that in a hospital room with all the noise and activity. Mom was sleeping so peacefully and was just so finally able to really rest - she didn't even struggle when they moved her to her side. Bob and I went to the airport to pick up Darlene while Bill and Diane stayed at the room with the others. While we were waiting for the plane to land, about 6 p.m. Bob got the call that his mother had passed away. It was just like when his dad died, we were going to the airport to get Bill when we got the call. It was hard to be at the airport and waiting for Darlene to come off the plane and then to tell her about her mother going before she got to see her. But at least Darlene and Bob won't have to remember her last moment - just the better times of their mother.

I know this is getting long - but it has been a struggle to just get this far. We were not surprised that Amanda passed away. Just surprised that she lasted this long after the passing of Bob's dad almost 4 years ago. Amanda lived a good long life. She was 82 years old and had 4 beautiful children - Bill, Diane, Darlene and Bob. No one could have loved her any more or any better than they did. They all took their time to care for her and her home. She no longer has to struggle with the simple things like bathing, eating, combing her hair, writing, dressing, walking and breathing. God has given her the ultimate healing and has given her a new body that is whole and completely free of pain and suffering. We will miss her but look forward to seeing her again in Heaven. It is not Good Bye - just so long for now.